UPDATE: My WINNINGS now total over 2 billion dollars! You're not going to believe this, but I just won 17 447 lotteries and acquired three 31 inheritances...all since 2009 began!... and I didn't even buy a lottery ticket! I won seven different pots in the British lottery, six in Liberia, three in Ghana, two in Benin, and one in Singapore. I inherited money from a dead missionary relative in Botswana, a rich blind beggar in Calcutta, and two people who just like me in Bolivia. They all got my name off the internet and I won! This is totally unbelievable! I don't know what I'm going to do with all that money (when I get it) but I may give some of it to my friends (looks like about 126 million). I can only attribute my fabulous fortune to being a good and humble person. I'll bet some of you are regretting you didn't tow the line a little more.

for Humility?

luckiest guy on the planet!  

Rewarded

I must be the

BECK TRASHES MENTAL HOSPITAL by Joe the Philosopher Reprinted from Psycho Weekly After acting stranger than usual, Glenn Beck was rushed to a hospital yesterday after he told friends, "When you're frustrated and angry and want to project your frustrations and you haven't prepared yourself, you think of crazy things.” The doctors examined him and, according to a fly on the wall, here’s what was said: “Yes, that's correct, Glenn. That’s why we want you to sit down, stare straight ahead, and slowly count to ten.” Then there was an awkward pause. “Glenn,” the head neurosurgeon finally said, “We want you to give us permission for a brain transplant. It will be the first ever tried and there's a slim chance of success.” "Yeah, but who's brain am I gonna get? I'm not stupid." “We're giving you Brit Hume's brain, Glenn. He doesn't use it much so it's got low mileage.” "Brit Hume is dead." “He just looks that way.” "Can I have a smoke before you shoot me?" “We're not shooting you, Glenn. We're just trying to help you. That's what these hospitals are for.” "Did I tell you I had a chance to kill a fly and I didn't?" “Yes, Glenn, we know. Now take your shots and go to bed.” Beck destroyed the hospital about 3 AM.

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